NSA Craziness – Satirical Observations

So Edward Snowden blew the whistle, fled and sought refuge, while the world realizes the true scope, complexity and audacity of the surveillance regime enveloping the whole world. Turns out the NSA’s doing some crazily audacious things, including tapping 60 million calls in Spain, eavesdropping on German Chancellor Angela Merkel for a solid 10 years [1], pervasively and systematically examining trillions of e-mails, phone-calls, address-books, and associated meta-data in an indiscriminate drag-net manner. And the latest unsurprising revelations – besides going through some shady pretense for legal oversight (the shady secret FISA court), it pretty much broke all international laws by eavesdropping en-masse on Private Companies (like Google and Yahoo) by intercepting and exploiting interconnection points of various data-centers that these companies run around the world [2][3].

Not surprised at all. But this is it – this nails it completely, there’s not a shred of doubt anymore. The last modicum of even some flimsy veneer of law/legality and the last vestige of some farce of regulatory oversight now stands completely and utterly shredded. It has been suspected for a long time, but finally it’s confirmed. The N.S.A. is just plain nuts and we are all pretty much living in an Orwellian world.

So rather than write something serious, I thought it might be fun to have some “NSA is so crazy that” satirical points. So here goes …

  • N.S.A. is so crazy and paranoid that the acronym actually expands to “Nuts & Schizophrenic Asylum”
  • N.S.A. is so crazy and paranoid, that Tin-foil-wearing Conspiracy Theorists suddenly seem not only sane, but maybe even making rational and logical sense.
  • N.S.A. is so crazy and it’s surveillance so complete, that North Korea’s schizophrenic choice (enforced by a delusional dictator) to be hermetically isolated actually seems like a sane, rational and sensible choice in retrospect.
  • N.S.A. is so crazy and the revelations so explosive – that the U.S. Govt. must secretly be thanking Snowden for taking the spotlight away from Abu-Ghraib, Drone-Strikes, Mass-Shootings, Corporate Oligarchy, Crony-Capitalism, Wall-Street Bailouts, etc. (making them all seem benign in scope in comparison).
  • N.S.A. is so crazy and the revelations so explosive – that the Director of the C.I.A. is super-depressed and pissed off that his organization is no longer in the spotlight for it’s own craziness (at least historical craziness, including political assassinations, subverting democratic process when convenient, etc.). The C.I.A. director was heard loudly ranting to his secretary that he’s so badly yearning for Civil Lawsuits, Public Anger, and Popular Intrigue of the C.I.A. as a Big-Badass-Mofo, but sadly for him the N.S.A.’s is stealing all it’s thunder and glory, with it’s shock-and-awe revelations holding public fascination. The Director is apparently sick with worry that Carrie and Saul  will quit the C.I.A. and join the N.S.A., hunting down Brody [4], with the credit going solely to the N.S.A. The Director is also extremely anxious that the C.I.A. will no longer be part of future Hollywood and T.V. portrayals (as tinsel-town rushes to cash-in on the N.S.A. drama), thus losing out on popular appeal, royalty revenues, and being resigned to work harder for an even more thankless and anonymous job.
  • N.S.A. is so crazy that an advanced Alien species living in Andromeda Galaxy is concerned about N.S.A. interception and is now frantically cross-examining their own communication infrastructure to tighten weaknesses. The President of the Inter-Galactic Association for Sane Creatures (I.G.A.S.C.), consisting of various sane creatures from various galaxies (humans were purposefully excluded due to lack of eligibility to satisfy the “sane” criteria), is reported to have communicated their concerns and indignation to President Obama in a tense phone-call via the Babel-Fish assembly. President Obama assured the Aliens that the U.S. is not and will not monitor their communications, but strangely didn’t say anything on whether the U.S. has monitored the Aliens in the past [5]. In the meanwhile, on a slightly tangential point, the Aliens also took objection to the “Illegal Aliens” terminology used by the U.S. Govt. and pressed for Alien Immigration Reform.
  • N.S.A.’s surveillance is so absolute and complete, that Atheists are finally satisfied that there is an omniscient, omnipotent God.

News References:

[1] Angela Merkel Spying @ GuardianUK

[2] NSA Infiltrates Google, Yahoo Data Centers Worldwide @WaPost

[3] Google encrypts Data amid backlash against NSA spying @WaPost

[4] Homeland (TV Series) – List of Cast/Characters @ Wikipedia

[5] NSA Monitored calls of 35 World Leaders @ GuardianUK


10 thoughts on “NSA Craziness – Satirical Observations

    1. You are welcome! 🙂 … Thanks for stopping by and reading, good sir! 🙂
      Btw, On the eve of our doom? 😛
      You are sounding a bit like a doomsday theorist, which like I said, now seems saner than the N.S.A. 😛
      That said, yea – our doom will come probably in another century or two. I don’t see the present kind of global mega-massive, uber-consumerist industrial civilization lasting beyond that. Humans might remain beyond that though – maybe in reduced scope of activities/footprint. And the planet will surely be hanging around for a few more billion years, which should give Nature ample opportunity to spawn, destroy and respawn a few more so-called intelligent life-forms. Cheers!


      1. Thank you, kind sir. Is it too late to declare that I am not a doomsday theorist? ‘Eve of our doom’ just sounded so poetic that I couldn’t help using it 🙂


        1. Yep Aamil, it’s not too late to declare that, since this latest declaration would have been parsed by the super-computers crunching complex mathematical algorithms at the N.S.A. to conclude that you are not a nutjob after all, and that the previous comment was a false red/orange/amber alarm and they will recalibrate their algorithm 😛 … Was just kidding, I know you are not a doomsday theorist by any means. And yea it is kind of melancholic/poetic.


          1. Haha! I am the ambivalent nightmare that the NSA never had 😛

            There was a post I saw on facebook where they had changed the privacy options in light of the recent revelations. It never fails to crack me up. Have you seen it?


          2. I don’t have the link. Here’s how it goes:

            Previously, these were the privacy settings:

            Share with:
            friends of friends
            friends only
            only me

            Now the new settings should be:

            Share with:
            everyone and the NSA
            friends of friends and the NSA
            friends only and the NSA
            only me and the NSA
            only the NSA


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